We’ve all heard many jokes related to sex and marriage. However, sexual satisfaction is far greater in necessity during marriage, for a few reasons. First, the legal, religious and social status of marriage gives us the comfort we won’t find in any other relationship. Second, we may please our spouse and get to know him/her better. And thirdly, with some efforts, sex can improve communication and good sex is essentially an effort of establishing a good communication physically and emotionally. A couple may have been attracted to each other when they first met. They had a satisfactory sex life for many years in their marriage. Now, several years later, things can be very different. They have sex less often and enjoy it less than before. Both are sad and frustrated by this fact, but don’t know what had happened or how to improve things.
You might wonder whether it can happen to your life. Well, perhaps not surprisingly, it’s a common occurrence, your wife could be pregnant with her second child. You just bought the house two years ago and you need to adjust your budget ever since, to pay for mortgage and bills. Your wife works an extra 10-hour each week to help with monthly bills, and she is not happy with the way her company treats her after during the pregnancy. Understandably, it is difficult for you to have a fulfilling sexual life in the middle of all this crises.
The above scenario is unfortunately common in marriage. Gradually, imperceptibly at first, sex with your spouse could become entirely unimportant. At the beginning of the marriage, sex could be a major focus in life, but now as it is relegated to a lower priority, even for a good night sleep is better! This condition may take a toll on many marriages. These are three things you should understand to get your sex life and marriage go-hand-in-hand once again.
Communication and Sex
Establishing a good communication is the key to a better sex life. You should let your husband or wife know that you’re interested in having sex. Surmising can lead to disaster. And letting your partner knows precisely what you feel right now is important. A couple may generally enjoy their intimate time together, but the lack of communication can send mixed messages about when their spouse wants a sexual relationship. Sometimes when the husband gives the wife a hug, she thinks that he wants to go to bed, but in reality, he just wants to give a hug. Trying to decipher whether a physical contact is an invitation or request for a sexual intercourse can be tricky, more often than not, you are wrong, which may lead to unsatisfactory sexual activity.
The misunderstanding concerning sexual interest, can feel like a game and if any of you lose, no one will be happy. Couples should find a way in how they can see things better. A good way is to ask your spouse about how often you should have sex. A husband may want two or three times a week, and the wife could be more comfortable with once or twice a week. You should he decide a common ground which is comfortable for both sides, for example twice a week. The next obvious step is to establish a weekly schedule, for example at Friday night and Sunday, when you feel less occupied with work-related stress. In less than a month, your sex life can improve and you can begin to build your confidence once again. The lack of spontaneity may feel unromantic, but setting a pattern is a better choice instead of having contradictory messages which can lead to disappointment.
Establishing a Schedule
We love many exciting activities like going to a football game, watching a movie, or hiking. But why not sex? Many people think that sex should be carefree and spontaneous but we are often frustrated in our sex life, because being spontaneous and fun is not always possible.
Do you often feel stressed out or exhausted? Do you have less sexual desire compared to 5 years ago? Do you have more than one child? You cannot expect a wonderful sex life to come out spontaneously in the midst of this chaos. This does not mean you cannot have good sex. And this doesn’t mean that your spouse doesn’t want to have sex.
As mundane and as “unattractive” it may seem, most married couples could do well if they plan their sexual activities in advance. Because you are involved in many things and time slips by without you noticing it, you must take time to get a close intimacy with your spouse. By relying solely on the spontaneity, you may have mixed feeling about whether both of you are fully committed in a sexual activity.
These are a few things to consider when creating a schedule.
1. Be sure to reserve time for a sexual activity together.
2. Leave your worries outside the bedroom.
3. Communicate your sexual dreams and desires, try to make every effort to accommodate other’s needs and wants.
Identifying Obstacles to an Amazing Sex Life
Married couples often face intimidating responsibilities. You can work for long hours, worry about your child who has trouble at school, or worry about your current finances. Trying to have some fun is next to impossible if you worry so much. It is necessary for you to put aside your daily concerns and focus on something more relaxing. It can be hard to think of sex when you think about your unfinished tasks and obligations. Each day you have to deal with piles of laundry, dirty dishes, work pressures, and other members of the family. Without doubt, marriage does not always evoke romantic images.
Exhaustion may also interfere and prevent you from having a great sex life. Most people are not interested in sex when they are exhausted. Married couples (particularly those who have more than one child) can get really tired at night. All you may think of is about having a decent rest. It is likely that you’re tired when it is 9PM, which doesn’t bode well for a satisfying sex life. One good way to improve the situation is by going to bed early on one night to get enough rest and get prepared for a very special evening tomorrow.